therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Someone shit on the floor
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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