Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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