There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
