dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
