get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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