some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
