my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
