so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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