Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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