Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
