she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All the doctor said was why
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
