I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize