Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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