addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
