I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
