It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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