if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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