It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize