I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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