he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
