I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only you would photoshop your dick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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