Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
