Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Operation Purity has been aborted
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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