I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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