Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
