if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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