K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
