Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
