I am puke
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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