oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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