I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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