I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No I am not eating basil off your cock
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
