I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
