Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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