okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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