all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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