I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
