We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
