anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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