OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
