I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
