College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
