I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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