Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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