I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
