he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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