my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
