Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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