I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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