I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
