I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
