ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
