the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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