sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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