You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
