My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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