So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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