I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My dick has a subreddit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
