people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
