Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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