the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
