I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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