he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
