I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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