drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
