Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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