he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
