I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
