My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
